How low self-worth & distorted sense of self stops you from leaving abusive/ toxic relationships

Discover insights about abusive relationships, including two of the most common reasons women don’t leave their abusive partners. It has nothing to do with intelligence.

In this episode, Anastasia shares insights about abusive relationships, including two of the most common reasons women don’t leave their abusive partners. It has nothing to do with intelligence. Listen in to discover ways you can overcome some of these.

In this series on relationships, she is going to explore why smart people stay in painful and toxic relationships. And most importantly, what to do about it.

Standout Quotes on Abusive or Toxic Relationships

  • “Relationships are energetically very complex, and are at the top of the list of factors that are important for your health, longevity, happiness, and even your wealth.”
  •  “Early relationships often lead to distorted thoughts about yourself and what a healthy relationship should look like.”
  • “Set clear boundaries for people to avoid people controlling your life.”
  • “When people try to make you feel incompetent and incapable, they’re the ones that are insecure, not you.”
  • “Allow yourself to release anger as you have the power to take back your life.
  • “Women are attractive to abusive men and vice versa men attractive to birth views of women and it has nothing to do with intelligence.
  • “Relationships operate on all levels of your existence.
  • “A no is a no win a yes is a yes period.”
  • “When your feelings of self-worth are gone, you feel incapable of navigating that outside world without that partner.
  • “I started to realize is that it wasn't them - It was me, I was allowing it.”
  • “You can't judge yourself because you are in the container, and you can't see the outside.”

Key Takeaways for Healing from Abusive Relationships:

  • The distorted sense of self can keep you stuck in a relationship you should be leaving.
    Instead of letting others decide your path for you, you get to choose.
  • Other people’s opinion of you matters less than your own. Don’t let old history drag your feelings of self-worth down.
  •  It can take a long time to recognize that you are in emotional pain.
  • You can use symbolic exercises to release anger, things said to you, and toxic relationships/concepts to help release them from your life. In the examples mentioned, it was burning up criticisms, pulling weeds, and beating a pillow with a bat.
  • While working with some exceptional women and men, Anastasia learned that while they are intelligent, their relationships are complex and even puzzling to them and others. It is challenging for empathic and sensitive persons. Her introversion, background, and sensitivity to others also give her problems.
  •  When trauma is present in your interpersonal life, it is necessary to heal approximately 12 energy connections to others, your higher self, and inwardly.
  •  When Anastasia was a child, she was taught to know better when she did things that naturally occurred to busy interested children, but Anastasia thought she was to blame for doing something, quote-unquote, wrong.
  •  Anastasia and her partner agreed early on in their relationship; he said it was her fault. And she admits that she was at fault. As a result, there is a warped sense of self. And it results from someone else exerting enormous influence over you and deciding what is correct and incorrect. In other words, they take on the role of your God.
  •  You may be unaware that you are being abused as if you dislike the guy who attempts to persuade you into something you don't want to do. And when you answer no, they view it as an opportunity to convince you otherwise. Thus, they wear you down until you agree.
  •  When a healthy person says no and the other person attempts to convince them, the healthy person will walk away and declare, "I'm out of here," but the unhealthy person will stay otherwise.
  •  Many of us trapped in vicious cycles, preoccupied with pleasing others as if our careers are being decided for us. And then you realize that whatever you do outside of your career vocation is draining life from you.
  •  Anastasia found herself boasting about her successes far too frequently, even though it was necessary for the sciences and made communicating with people outside the sciences exceedingly tricky.
  •  When Anastasia's ex-husband was critical of her at the time, she believed him. He said all sorts of things insinuating that she was useless and incapable, even casting doubt on her laboratory decisions, which she was the expert on, not him. She felt unattractive, incompetent, and perpetually incorrect.
  •  Anastasia took a long time to identify that she was experiencing emotional distress. She was unaware because she had never known what it was like to be free of the difficulties that surrounded her. She even read other people's stories; her mother sent her these books. Anastasia was told stories about other people who had been in similar situations but did not identify herself.
  •  Anastasia was aware on some level that she was unhappy since there were many days when she wished she could hop in her car and drive off into the sunset, somewhere else.
  •  Anastasia got her son's plastic baseball bat, hid in her room, and began hitting a pillow, releasing the rage she had accumulated over the years. She became aware of the inequities and started hitting the pillow.
  •  Anastasia used to believe that everything was wrong with her because she enjoyed science and sports and doing things that men like, and thus there must be something wrong with her being a female.
  •  When Anastasia received criticism, rather than putting on the filter that she is always incorrect, she turned it off and let it roll off as if she were Teflon.



Episode Timeline:


2:11  IQ and Intelligence as a Factor

2:43 Outlining Experiences

2:56 12 energetic connections in relationships

3:58 The Dangers of Playing The Victim

4:15 Reason 1: distorted view of oneself

4:42 The Incorrect Concept of Love

05:22 The Unhealthy Control in Relationships

6:39 Reason 2: Your self-worth is damaged

8:20 Symptom: Unable to connect with others

8:52 Symptom: accept other people’s opinions or critiques as facts

9:07 Symptom: feel incapable of managing life alone

09:56 Practical Solutions

10:32 Symptom: unable to recognize own emotional pain

11:18 Symptom: emotionally immobilized

11:51 Symptom: second-guess your actions and words

12:31 Symptom: Physical illness

13:09 Steps to Recovery

13:26 Tip 1: Physically release stored rage

13:40 The Realization

13:56 Tip 2: Symbolically remove toxic ideas and people

14:32 Physical Activities as a Form of Meditation

15:16 Tip 3: Remember that you are a perfect Divine Being

15:38 Stranglehold of Wrongness

15:50 Tip 4: Find a way to see yourself as others do (healthy people)

16:59 Unhealthy Labels

17:20 Tip 5: Let go of the low energy labels others give you

18:50 Destructive Criticism

19:15 Tip 6: Free relationship healing program (value $97) at

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