7 Signs YOU’VE Grown Up in a DYSFUNCTIONAL Family: Perspectives and solutions
Arguments, verbal abuse, undue criticism, and unrealistic expectations are things you may have experienced in your dysfunctional family of origin. Your dysfunctional family was both a blessing and a curse.
Discover the seven signs you’ve grown up in a dysfunctional family. Let’s recast some of that as beneficial because you’ve gotten some amazingly incredible and useful skills from it besides having to overcome these seven signs.
Constant criticism is one of the foundations of behavior
Constant criticism from birth on without the balancing of praise leads to several of the signs that you grew up in a dysfunctional family. To stop the flow of criticism, you would change your behavior to please the other person, often doing things that you don’t want to do. This leads to lopsided relationships.
A lopsided relationship is one in which one partner does the greater proportion of the “work” in the relationship. This means the lion’s share of the work in the home, bringing home the lion’s share of the income, or compromise the most. There is no give and take, it’s give and give.
Because of the criticism, disagreements are not handled well. Any kind of discord causes you to run in the other direction. Rather than solving problems, it’s more giving in. The more you give in, the less you are doing what you want to do. The more you become something you’re not. You feel like you’re drowning.
Perfectionism is usually the sign of a problem
The next sign is perfectionism, not because there’s pleasure in doing a good job but rather fear of making a mistake. If you make a mistake, you will be chewed out, criticized, and made uncomfortable again. Hypervigilance starts, meaning you become restless and watch everything around you. Sitting still is impossible because you have to make sure everything is orderly and perfect, or you will hear about it.
And last, your actions are often reactions to what happened to you when you were young. As I mentioned before, I had a lot of criticism, but I also had a lot of loud arguing between my parents at home. This is something I did not want to replicate in my own relationships. As soon as it happened, I found myself retreating more and more. The more I retreated, the more irritated the others became and caused me more stress and further retreat. It usually ended up in my crying. It happened the most when I needed to study for a final or had a deadline for something. This made living with others a real struggle. So, my actions were to be friendly to a point then to retreat. This is not exactly healthy behavior, is it?
I have since outgrown my past behaviors and have all healthy relationships in my life despite the difficult beginnings. Letting all that go because of the awesome skills you gain is really the first step to getting started on having a happy life instead of a tense and anxious one. The first step would be to get your free five-step relationship healing at https://scientifichealer.com/relationship
- “All relationships are like a bank account. You each have to make deposits.”
- “Things don't have to be perfect because nobody is judging you except you.”
- “Rest is a verb. That means you are doing something.”
- In a relationship, you and the other person must make an effort to help build the relationship.
- You don’t need to be perfect. Good is good enough because at the end of the day, nobody is going to judge and notice you except you.
- Resting, relaxing, or even waiting are verbs, which means that you are doing something. These are really important functions for us as humans to rejuvenate and regenerate.
Timeline for the broadcast
00:33 Issues to Overcome
01:17 Upbringing of a Dysfunctional Family
01:46 What is gained in a Dysfunctional Family?
2:27 Sign 1: People pleasing
4:07 Sign 2: Feel a lot of shame and guilt
5:50 Sign 3: Lopsided relationships
7:40 Sign 4: Disagreements not handled well
8:38 Sign 5: Perfectionism
11:02 Sign 6: Sitting still is difficult
12:36 Sign 7: Actions often reactions to upbringing
15:25 Energy in Relationships
15:32 https://scientifichealer.com/relationship to get free 5 step healing
Be on the look out for a more profound program for healing relationships called “Relationship Energy Mastery”
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